▶ Your Answer :
Certainly, advice plays a significant role in people’s daily lives and many of the places where they work or play. There are many groups can affect young people today; elders, celebrities, and friends which can affect people's viewpoint. Some people say that elders’ or celebrities’ advice is the most useful to young people while others think differently. If I were asked to choose one, I would say that friends’ advice is the most useful for young generation. There are several reasons as follows. for the following subsequent reasons. To begin with, friends’ advice is most useful for young people today rather than elders’ one or celebrities’ one. Friends who spend a lot of time with young people tend to know their specific problems and features which are different from other. When young person take takes (young person는 단수 주어 입니다) advice from people who understand their problems and thoughts, it encourages young person to take appropriate action for the problems. For instance, when my younger sister was 13 years old, she did poorly in history subject. She was not able to solve could not solve the problem even if she asked for elders such as her parents and history teacher. however, she has changed gradually after her friend gave her appropriate advice. By attending same classes with her, he figured out her own problem that was misunderstanding about one chapter in history. She was able to correct could correct her thoughts and understand better. Fortunately, she got A in history class and she realized that if she had not take the advice from her friend, it would not have been possible to improve her history grade. To sum up, I firmly believe that the advantages of taking advice from friends far outweigh those of other options for the reasons I have mentioned above. All in all, friends’ advice cannot be overestimated in our lives.
점수: 22 한 단락에 너무나 많은 정보를 넣으려고 하는 독립형 에세이입니다. 이러한 경향은 에세이로하여금 장황하게 만들게 하는 것 뿐만 아니라 본레 자기가 전달하려고 했던 의미들이 변질되게 됩니다. 따라서 지금 이 에세이에서 가장 필요한 것은 좀 더 간결하게 자신의 주장을 전달하는 것 입니다. 이 부분들을 꼭 숙지하면셔 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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