▶ Your Answer :Some people think that it is a good idea to buy a new technology device as soon as it is available. However, my own view on this matter is that it is much better to wait until many other people have bought other people buy it for the following two reasons. To start with, it is possible to save so much money if they buy the device later. Right after the device is released, the company sells it at a full price. But after many people have bought the product and time has passed, the rate of purchasing the goods decreases. So the company tries to sell the device as many as possible by lowering the price of it. That is when people should buy the product. For example, my uncle likes to get new cell phones. However, since he has a tight budget, he cannot afford to buy many of the new smartphones. So he waits until the price of them decreases and purchases them when they are cheap enough. On top of that, by waiting until other people buy the device, they can make a better choice. After people buy and use the new device, they give a lot of information about the product on the Internet. If people want to make a good choice, they should read other people’s comments about the product on the Internet. Then they will be able to make a good decision to buy it or not. I have my personal experience to explain this. Once I heard the news that two different companies released new smartphones each. That was when I was thinking to get a new cell phone. But I could not decide what to buy because I had no information about them. So I waited until other people use and give detailed information about the phones on the Internet. After reading their comments about the two different cell phones. I could choose to buy one, and I am still satisfied with my new phone. Taking everything into consideration, people can save a great amount of money and can make a better decision to purchase a device or not by waiting until other people have bought it. In this regard, I strongly believe that people should wait until other people have bought a new technology device.
주장도 reasonable하고 이에 따른 이유도 합리적이게 잘 설명이 된 것 같습니다. paragraph도 잘 나뉘었고 어휘도 다양성 좋았습니다. 다만 조금씩 문법 오류들이 계속 보여서, 아쉬웠습니다. 다 쓰고 한번 더 체크한다면 훨씬 좋은 에세이 될거라고 생각합니다 |