▶ Your Answer :
There might be some people who believe that opinions of celebrities are
more important to the old than the young. However, I personally disagree with
above idea for two subsequent reasons. First, many telecommunication means are more
exposed to the young than the old. Second, the older people are not much
impacted by celebrities’ opinions.
First of all, the younger people more use many telecommunication
options than the olrder. Over the past few decades, seeing television and
reading book were is just the only way to get information. However, these days, many
telecommunication means have been introduced, like SNS and smart phone’s
application, all of which are nearly more used by the young than the old. So,
they are frequently exposed by celebrities. Let me bring up my personal story
as an example. When I was in high school, I used to see various TV or internet
programs through my smart phone. One day, I saw talking about famous singer’s
personal story on programs, which made me decide to be a singer. If it was not for It had not
existed the telecommunication options, I could not have to be a singer.
In addition, the opinions of famous person are not do not have much influence to
the old. Older people are wise enough to determine their opinions because they
have had enough experiences on almost every issue in this world. However,
students can receive significant impact on their lives since they do not have
yet various experiences like the older people. According to a recent research
done by national institute of Education, 76% of the older people said that they
are not interested in the celebrities issues. This is due to the fact that they
are too busy to have interest in other opinions and have already enough experiences
that can make their self-decisions. This clearly shows that celebrities' opinions are it is not important
for the old to celebrities’ opinions.
In conclusion, the reason the ideas of celebrities are important to the
young is that communication means are easier to access for the younger people
than the order people and celebrities' opinions do not have much effect on are not very effect to the old.
Fair/ Good (22-24) 첫번째 본문 -철자 오류 order-->older -문맥상 과거이므로 is-->were 또, seeing tv and reading book의 복수 이므로 were로 받습니다. -가정법; if절로 쓰시거나, Were it not for ~로 써주세요. 지금 쓰신 것은 문법적으로도 맞지 않고 가정법도 아닙니다.
두번째 본문 -be 동사 쓰시려면, are not influential 로 쓰시거나, do 동사로 써주세요. 바꿔준대로 쓰시는 것이 자연스러운 표현입니다. -be interested in OR have interest in 의 구문이므로 틀에 맞게 써주세요. -마지막 문장, 어순이 어색합니다. 원래 쓰신 것은 어떤 의미인지 알 수 없습니다. to 다음에 명사가 아니라 동사가 나와야 더 자연스럽습니다. ex; it is not important for the old to listen to celebrities' opinions. 하지만 바꾼대로 celebrities' opinions are 을 앞으로 보내는 것이 더 의미전달에 용이하고 복잡하지 않은 문장 구조입니다. 결론 -effect나 influence 를 쓰실 때 do 동사와 함께 쓰는 것으로 숙지를 하시는 것이 편할 것 같습니다. be 동사와는 위에 쓴대로 형태를 다르게 해야하므로 더 복잡하고 어렵게 다가올 수 있습니다.
내용 두 본문 괜찮습니다. 표현/문법/문장력을 연습을 많이 해주세요. 구문이나 단어의 쓰임은 몇가지를 암기하여 정확하게 쓰는 연습을 해주세요.
수고하셨습니다~~
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