▶ Your Answer : It is debatable whether wWhich factors are more necessary, the perseverance or the smartness, in order to succeed in life. This is an intriguing question because opinions concerning this issues can be different relying on the individual perspectives. In my opinion, however, I support that the perseverance is far more necessary than smartness to be successful in life, for the following reasons. First of all, I think that the true failure is appeared only when stopping trying to progress. Even if some people's plan seems to be impossible and progress of it is nothing, Iif they do not relinquish to make efforts, it is never called 'failure'. This is because although they have failed 99 times, if they only succeed once ones, they will be successful men man. For example, when I was 39 years old, I decided to study abroad. At that time I had a family that I had to care, and most of my friends objected the plan. But I never gave up my dream. And I continuously strived to get a qualification to study abroad. After all, I received admission from Harvard University. And now I expect to achieve masters' degree. Napoleon said that victory belongs to the most persevering. On top of that, since person that has a perseverance is attractive to many people rather than smart person,. the perseverance can be an essential factor of success in life. When ordinary people choose a friend, the most important factor they consider is reliability or consistency. This is because very changeable people does not ensure that when their friends are in trouble, they can lend a hand. For instance, there is a poll conducted by the Korean EAP with current workers as respondents. The purpose of the survey is to find out what people regard as important condition, when they opt a friend. What they found is very intriguing. The majority of respondents ranked consistency over smartness or intelligence. The survey improved that unchangeable person would have many friends and be very successful in life All things considered, it is my belief that my argument regarding this topic has been effectively and precisely with the reasons mentioned above. Never should we forget that this issue may have a huge impact on our future.
Good (24-26) 서론 -it is debatable whether -대소문자 오류
첫번째 본문 -철자 오류 ones-->once -복수 man 은 men
두번째 본문 -형용사 형태가 적합합니다. attractive -문장 부호 오류 -모음 앞에 a-->an -철자 오류 improve-->prove
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