▶ Your Answer : Some people might say we do not don't need to look back the past to handle the problem we are facing now and in the future. However, in my opinion, we are well advised to comprehend the past to solve the obstacles that hinder us for two reasons. First, we can get a lesson from the past experience. Second, the obstacles we faced in the past can occur again in the future. First of all, we can learn a lesson by compreheding the past. As time goes by, most of the people become more mature and stronger thanks to the past experience they have they've gone through. This is because the accumulated experiences, which can be failures or successes play an important ce role to form the identity of a person. Therefore, if a person encounters an obstacle, he or she can reflect upon its past to think of a lesson to solve the problem. From my own experience, I realized the significance of the past experience to handle obstacles. When I was in elementary school, some classmates bullied me for preposterous reasons. I cried every nights trying to find my faults to understand why they hated me so much. However, I realized that the problem was not me, but them, and that diverting my focus on another things could relieve my anxiety. Based on this lesson from the past, every time I encounter harsh situation that I cannot can't control, I try to concentrate on another things and forget about the situation. Second, the obstacles that we have we've once experienced expereinced have a high probability of reoccurring. This is the reason economists collect past data to study current situation and predict the future. For example, in 1998 when the biggest economic crisis in Korea broke out, many economists referred to the past famous economic crisis to find solutions to the problem. Also, when political problems happen, politicians and historians refer to the historical event to solve the problems. Japan invaded Korea several times and even colonized it in 20th century. This tragic and sad memories remain in Koreans mind strongly and they refer to the past to grasp Japan's stance and attitude in negotitaion. In conclusoin, we need to comprehend the past to solve the problem we are facing now and in the past. Not only can we get a lesson from the past, but also the same problem could have happened in the past. The importance of my assertion could not couldn't be underestimated for two reasons I have I've metioned above.
Fair (21-23)
서론 -축약형 지양해주세요. don't-->do not
첫번째 본문 -축약형 지양해주세요. they've-->they have can't-->cannot -role 꾸며주므로, 명사아닌 형용사로 써주세요. importance-->important -another 은 단수의 표현입니다. '다른 하나' 따라서, 복수는 other을 써주셔야 자연스럽습니다.
두번째 본문 -축약형 지양해주세요. we've-->we have -철자 오류 -연두색 부분 어색한 예시입니다. 차라리 앞서 말했던 economic crisis를 더 구체적으로 설명해주시는 것이 더 자연스럽습니다. 갑자기 일본 식민지를 얘기하고, 일본을 떠올릴 때 그것을 생각한다는 본문의 내용과 맞지 않습니다. 현재/미래의 '문제' 특수한 '상황'을 과거에 반추하는 내용인데, 아무 일이 없는데 그것을 refer 하는 것은 본문에 내용에 어울리지 않습니다. 결론 -축약형 지양해주세요.
내용면에서, 특히 두번째 본문에서, 보충이 필요합니다. 예시 선정이나 설명을 할 때 전체 흐름에 맞는 내용을 써주셔야 좋습니다.
수고하셨습니다~~ |