▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that children should not play sports for
fun rather than for competition. However, in my opinion, I strongly disagree
with the above statement by following two reasons. First, playing sports for
competition can increase the children’s stress. Second, competition can make
children lack of cooperation.
First, playing sports for competition can cause the increasing
stress bring about the increase in student's stress. Sport is good for not only not only for physical health but also for mental health. However,
if they play sports only for competition, they can have a pressure to win. Therefore,
it might have a bad effect on children’s mental health. For example, my brother
was used to play tennis as a hobby when he was young. My brother really enjoyed
playing it and it made him healthy. After that, his teacher suggested him to
participate in the tennis competition of for his school. He accepted the suggestion
and preparing prepared for the competition for a while. But However, he realized that it made him
stressful and exhausted. As a result, he gave up the competition to play tennis
for only his health. 스포츠가 왜 경쟁에 중점을 두면 안되는 지를 아주 가장 적절하게 설명한 거 같습니다. 특히 예시거 이유를 잘 서포트 합니다. 테니스를 즐겁게 운동했을 때는 스트레쓰가 없었지만 competition으로 변했을 때 생기게 되었다는 이 에세이의 주요 주제와 맞게 서술 된 거 같습니다.
Second, playing sports for competition can make children
lack of cooperation. One of the important aspects of sports is the cooperation
with other people. But if children play sports only for competition, they want
to win rather than to do together. For example, when I was young, I joined a
soccer club in my school. The environment of the club was highly competitive,
so I just thought that I had to win everyone to be best in the club. So I did
not concern about other people and stated to act selfish. However, I realized
that team sport needed cooperation after continuous defeats. 일단 마지막 부분 i realized that team sport needed cooperation after continuous defeats라고 되어 있는데. 어떠한 계기로 인해서 이러한 마음 가짐을 가지게 되엇는지 설명이 필요할 거 같아요. 갑자기 끝맺음이 되었다라는 느낌이 듭니디
To sum up, playing sports for competition have has bad effects
for children such as having lack of cooperation and increasing their stress. In
this regard, I personally disagree that children should not play sports for fun
rather than for competition. Good: 24~30 점수: 24 일단 첫 번째 바디에 대해서 아주 잘 썻다고 칭찬하고 싶습니다. 특히 예시가 아주 잘 에세이의 본질을 서포트 하는 거 같습니다. 특히 아이디어 전환이 좋았던 거 같아요. 스포츠를 즐기게 될 때는 스트레쓰가 없는데 경쟁으로 변할 때는 쓰트레스가 만들어지게 되었다는 아주 좋게 서술한 거 같습니다. 하지만 두 번째 부분에서는 제가 참석한것을 보면 좀 더 구체적인 설명이 필요해 보입니다. 이것 이외에는 문제가 되는 것이 없습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |