▶ Your Answer : Some people might say that students must spend the entire school day on academic studies because the importance of the study is much higher than before. However, in my opinion, I strongly believe that the physical exercise should be a required to keep successful school life for the subsequent two reasons supporting my argument. following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, doing physical activity enhance enhances the efficiency of the study. According to the old adage, there is a saying 'A sound mind in a sound body'. Physical activity can develops not only the physical ability but also mental status not only develop physical ability but also mental status. Supposed that if a gifted person with a good attitude isn't good health, he might not get a high score. I'll take my personal experience as an example to clarify what i mean. When For example, when i was in high school, i had a serious allergy to almost all food. So i didn't take enough nutrition to do something like studying. Even if i struggled to study, i couldn't get the good score. But, after having the suitable medication, my health condition was back to normal status. Then, i began to study again, got the high point that i've ever got.
On top of that, studying all day in the school might undermine the efficiency of the study. Actually, the deed that studying something causes the huge burden to the brain. If you don't take enough time to take off the brain, it no longer functions properly. There was a survey conducted by a group of experts majoring in neuroscience, with 200 respondents. The purpose of the study is to figure out what events occur in the brain while studying something. What they found was extremely intriguing. After studying for 3 hours, the brain ceased the function by itself. It meant that the proper break time is the essential factor to keep studying well.
Taking improving the mental ability through suitable exercise and undermining the efficiency of study through only studying into consideration, i firmly believe that forcing the students to take part in physical activities is the better choice than the others.
Good: 24~30 점수: 25 논리 정연한 에세이인거 같습니다. 약간의 문법적 오류 이외에는 크게 문제가 별로 없는 독립형 에세이인거 같습니다. 독립형 에세이에서 가장 중요하게 보는 것 중에 하나는 에세이가 얼마나 설득력이 있나 입니다. 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우는 특히 구체적인 예시와 적절한 설명들이 에세이로 하여금 설득력 있게 만들고 왜 본인이 이러한 생각을 가지게 되었는 지를 구체적으로 잘 보여주고 있습니다. 앞으로도 이렇게 계속 에세이를 서술하다 보면 원하는 점수를 얻을 수 있을 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다.
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