▶ Your Answer : Some people might think students who graduated high school, should work before entering college. But I think after graduate and before go to college is the best season to go to travel. Here are some reasons as to why. However, I think students should take a year off for the following two subsequent reasons.
First and foremost, students might had a hard time for preparing the test to enter college to prepare for entering college. What I mean is, between graduating and entering college is the best time to take a rest and release the stress To release stress, it is better to take a gap year between graduation and entering college. In my experience, I had a hard time while I was in high school. I always stayed in school all day from 8 am to 11 pm. It was hard time to teenager for teenager. I was always had a stress of the test and my parents always asking me about my test. Not only me, most of students who are preparing to enter university or college have stress in study. So I always talk with my friends, when all school and test is finish, go travel together finishes. Me and my friends were standing that hard time with think about the travel. Finally, when we finish the test, we buy the tickets to go Japan and after we graduate, we go travel to Japan. At that time we were 20 years old, so we can go travel more free. It was really good time to go travel before entering the college.
Secondly, when we enter the college, we don't have a lot of time to go travel do not have enough time to go to travel (독립형 에세이에서는 줄인말을 서술하면안됩니다). When I was teenager I saw that many adults who are working in company said, go travel while you are young. So I thought, if I be become a college students I can go travel when ever I can. But unfortunately, I realized that, students are busy as workers. For my friend's experience, she thought she can go to travel while she enter the college. But unfortunately, she needs to study hard to get high GPA and needs to prepare the several test that related to her major. So during the vocation, she need to prepare test and go to part time job. She is having a hard time to work and study even her school is on vocation. I heard that she is now regretting didn't go to travel after graduating.
For this reasons, I think students should go travel while they graduate high school and before enter the college.
점수: 23 내용이 되게 긴다 핵심적인 설명이 없다라는 느낌이 많이 드는 독립형 에세이인거 같습니다. 이러한 느낌이 많이 드는 이유중에 가장 큰 이유는 문법적 오류 입니다. 각 문장들이 처음 부터 끝 까지 오류가 없는 문장들이 없습니다. 이러한 문법적 오류들은 전체적 에세이 플로우를 방해하게 만듭니다. 따라서 제가 첨삭하는 부분들을 숙지하시면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |