▶ Your Answer : Some people might say that the news media is a credible source of unbiased information. However, in my opinion, they are not always believable because of following two subsequent reasons. To begin with,companies media are given give much money to media by companies. The avenues from advertisement are very important budget to news media. So, they can not be free from customers. For example, last year, there was a lawsuit with between customers and automobile company. customers complained to about the car's flaws and company was deny its faults. This controversy was popular with many people, and naturally media reported everyday. Most press said that the company had to compensate to customers. But just two newspaper did not report any article related to this suit. In fact, they were endowed funding from the company, so they could not write about it. On top of that, they are more likely to exaggerate the incidents. people are usually interested in more exciting news, so media have motivation to increase the importance of incidents. For example, in my country, there was a distribution about Mandu, which is a kind of food. Some people divulged that they made it at very unsanitary environment. The public were so angry and interested in that, so many media reported it competitively and they gradually became more and more intensified intensify. They wrote as if other factories were had same circumstances. As a result, many companies closed eventually even if companies which were unrelated to this event. Many people were damaged by false reports. To sum up, it seems to be reasonable that media are moved by money. Therefore, they are not believable sources of information.
예상 점수: 14-17 총평: 내용은 현실적이고 설득력 있지만 문법적인 오류들과 예시가 점수를 많이 감점시켰습니다. 우선 글 자체에 어법상 어색한 표현이 많습니다. 조금 더 직접적인 문장들로 글을 써주시는게 좋을 것 같아요. 첫번째 바디도 company와 media의 위치를 바꿈으로써 글이 조금 더 능동적일 수 있습니다. 또 suit보다는 lawsuit이라고 처음에는 명확하게 명시를 해주시는게 맞습니다. 두번쨰 문단의 경우 gradually와 more and more은 동의어의 반복이므로 둘중 하나를 없애주시는게 맞습니다. 나머지는 크게 문제가 없이 잘 서술해주셨습니다. 수고 많으셨습니다. |