■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
|
|
▶ Topic : Governments should spend more money on expanding access to the Internet than improving public transportation. |
|
|
▶ Your Answer : Undoubtedly, government's (소유격) spending plays a significant role in people`s daily lives in many of the places where they work or play. Some people think that governments should more increase budget on the usage of expanding access to the Internet than improving public transportation, while others do not. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. When I were asked to choose one, I would say that governments should more invest more in improving public transportation than expanding access to the Internet. There is a reason as follows. Above all, when the government invests more money in improving public transportation, it can prevent climate change. The provision of a more affordable and convenient public transit system encourages people to commute by bus or subway instead of their private cars. Less usage of their cars is likely to reduce the emission of harmful gases that change weather patterns. Governments should focus on the environment issues because of increasing in the environmental crisis. For example, recently in the United States, Texas suffered from unexpected massive flooding, leading to property damage and thousands of deaths. This was a very rare phenomenon for a state known for its dry weather. Many experts are linking this event to the increase in CO2 mainly caused by driving cars. Their argument is based on the fact that the number of cars has been increasing tremendously. It is not exaggerating to say that cars have been the main cause of destroying the environment. After this experience, the government acknowledged the need to take more careful measures. If the government implements sustainable policies and individuals actively participate in them, this joint effort can reduce gas emission as well as natural disasters. All things considered, I strongly believe that the advantages of increasing the budget on improving public transit system far outweigh those of increasing the usage of expanding access to the Internet for a reason I have mentioned above. All in all, I firmly believe that the importance of increasing the funds of expanding access to the Internet cannot be overestimated in life.
|
|
점수: 21/30
1. 각 문단 시작 전에 tab 버튼 눌러서 들여쓰기 해주세요.
2. 토플 에세이의 기본적인 구성은 서론 - 본론 1 - 본론 2 - 결론입니다.
그런데 지금 본론 2가 빠져있는 것을 확인하실 수 있습니다.ㄷ
다른 reason 하나를 더 써주시면 구조상으로 더 보기 좋은 에세이가 될 듯합니다.
3. 주어진 다른 옵션 (인터넷에 대한 access)에 대한 얘기는
인트로와 결론을 제외한 바디에서는 언급되지 않았습니다.
인터넷에 대한 예산을 늘리면 장단점이 어떻게 되는지 간략하게라도 설명이 필요해보입니다.
수고하셨습니다. *^^*