■ Direction Read the question below. You have 30 minutes to plan, write, and revise your essay. Typically, an effective response will contain a minimum of 300 words. ■ Question Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Use specific reason and examples to support your answer |
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▶ Topic : parents should express their disapproval towards the teachers of their children when the parents do not agree with the way the teachers are teaching
agree/disagree |
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▶ Your Answer :
I
disagree with the opinion that parents should express their disapproval towards
the teacher of their children relating related to their way of the teaching opposed to
with the teachers' way. And (문장을 and but so 로 시작해서는 안 됩니다.) there are two reasons for holding my opinion which are~~ and to the specific, the
reasons are the flawlessness and the diversity. (앞으로 글의 전개를 예고하는 건 좋은데, 이걸 한 단어로 해서는 안 됩니다. 즉 my opinion which are because parents are lot flawless and ~~~ 이런 식으로 구체적으로 적어주셔야 해요.)
First of all, as far as I concerned, parents are not always right. They are
just ordinary human beings people, and they can make mistakes regarding education because they are
not flawless. An education professor told a story that she underwent. She was a middle school
teacher, and she had to go on a school trip to a temple with her class' students.
And one day before going to trip A day before the trip, a woman called her and said that she is a student's mother who was in the professor's class, and she doesn't want to make
her children go to a temple because her families are Christian. The professor
couldn't say anything at that time, so she approved it. But she said to me what
she did was wrong because the trip was not for a religious reason but rather it was to teach cooperation to the students and students should
learn cooperation through the school trip. The woman might not know about it.
And from this story, I could learn that parents and teachers could crash in
education, even parents who have their son could make a mistake or don’t know
something. They are not always perfect.
The second reason for the my opinion is the diversity pertaining to education
perspective. I always heard that I should read newspapers of various companies I must not read newspapers that only published in one
company. This is because Because there are many companies and many standpoints from different companies, which enabled me to see a particular situation in a diverse perspective so I have to
read newspapers that published in a variety of companies. Then I could see some
situation in diversity method and perspective. In the same context, I think the students have to learn in many ways, sometimes
teachers are way, and sometimes parents’ way from both teachers and parents. For example, I often heard from
my teacher that I have to eat all the food given to me. But my mother always
says told to me, eating by force is worse rather than eating nothing. I never know
who is right but can decide to obey who’s saying. Likewise, getting grow,
students can decide who's teaching way is fit for them. There are no correct
answers but there are diverse ways of teaching. No one knows what's fit for a student,
except to students themselves. And I strongly believe that giving many ways for
something is good enough for widening one’s point of view.
For these two reasons, I disagree with the assertion that parents should
express their disapproval towards the teachers of their children when the parents
do not agree with the way the teachers are teaching.
총평: 일단 본론 문단이 예시에 대한 의존이 너무 큰 편입니다. 예시는 언제까지나 뒷받침의 역할이기 때문에 불필요한 사족은 다 잘라내고 예시 내에서 딱 전달하고자 하는 핵심만 전해주시면 됩니다. 문장을 and but so 로 시작하는 습관은 버려주시고, 문법 부분도 꾸준히 학습해주시면 될 것 같아요. 수고하셨습니다 :)
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처음 토플을 시작했는데 주장에 따라 논리를 전개하는 것이 너무 막막해서 올려봅니다 ㅠㅠ
-처음이라고 하셨는데 사실 처음 치고 이정도면 되게 잘 해주신 편입니다.
꾸준히 연습하시면 더 나아질 수 있을 거에요. 자세한 사항은 총평을 참고해주세요:)