▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that the government should invest in developing medical
technologies more than in improving public transportation. However, in my
opinion, I believe that the government should
invest more money in public transportation systems in our cities. One
reason is that transportation problems in the cities are more urgent
than medical technologies, and the another other
reason is that medical technologies can be developed properly by private
companies and funds, instead of the government.
First of all, many experts recently pointed out that public
transportation problems are the most urgent problems in our cities. To be
specific, rapid increase of urban population for the last couple of decades
caused a serious shortage
of public transportation in the cities. According to a recent study
conducted by Seoul National University, the population of Seoul has increased
by 70 percent during the last 30 years. however, public transportation
capacity has increased only 15
percent during the same period. This means that the present public
transportation system of the city cannot accommodate
the present population, and cannot properly deal
with the transportation problem of the city. Therefore, the same study pointed
out that the most serious and urgent problem should be dealt with now is
the public transportation problem. This is the reason that the government
should invest in enhancement of the public transportation, ranther rather than other problems. (can
not 이 아니라 cannot이 맞습니다)
In addition, even though developing medical technologies is also an
important issue in our society, I think that the government don't doesn’t have to invest a lot of money in development
of medical technologies. This is because most of medical technologies
can be developed and improved by private companies and funds. For instance,
cures for most of fatal disease such as AIDS and cancers were developed by
private sectors, not by the government. Private sectors such as pharmaceutical
companies, hospitals, scientists and doctors who want to cure patients and make
profits are always willing to develop and discover new technologies and cures.
This is way why they can do this better
than the government does.
In this
regard, I believe that the government should
give more efforts to improve the existing public transportation system, rather
than to invest in new medical cures, because the public transportation problem
is more urgent and the privatie private sector
can develope medical technologies better
than the government does.
Writing
0-30 Score Scale |
Good (24-30) |
Score |
27 |
Overall
Comment: |
매우 논리적으로 잘 쓰셨습니다.
아쉬운 점은 문법 오류가 살짝 있었고, 특히 철자 오류가 많았다는 점입니다. 글을 마무리할 때 마지막으로 글을 검토하는 습관을 들이시면
좋습니다. |
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