▶ Your Answer :
Undoubtedly, learning method plays a significant role in people's lives in many of the places where they work or play. Some people think that it is okay to let children aged 5-8 play video games during the lesson to make them more interested in learning while others do not. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I were asked to choose one, I would say that playing video games helps young children more interested in learning. There are several reasons as follows.
To begin with, when young children play video games during the lesson, they can improve their academic performance. Playing video games while studying enables them to relax and recharge their batteries. When they are recharged, they are likely to have more energy to put into being active and confident in learning. For example, my younger brother did poorly in school. He got distracted easily, procrastinated, and acted on impulse. Moreover, he often felt depressed thinking that his daily life became an exhausting routine. However, he has changed little by little after he started to play video games during the lesson. He played Nintendo for ten minutes during his lesson three times a week. He could feel relaxed and comfortable after playing the game and thus focus better on his studies. Naturally, he showed characteristics of a longer attention span, a stronger passion in his tasks, and a better ability to delay gratification. Finally, last semester, he had a higher score on his finals than the mid-term exam. Many people around him began to respect him, allowing him to be confident, optimistic, and strong. Without playing video game during the lesson, he would have fallen behind. 수업 중에 흥미를 유발하기 위해 비디오 게임을 하는 것에 대한 질문인데, 현재 사례 내용은 중간에 잠시 다른 게임을 통해 스트레스를 푸는 것을 설명하고 있으므로 논점이 맞지 않습니다.
All things considered, I strongly believe that playing video games can help young children foster their learning ability for the reasons I have mentioned above. All in all, the importance important of relaxing during the lesson cannot be overestimated.
Comment : 질문 내용에 정확한 답변을 할 수 있도록 내용을 더 발전시켜주세요. 현재 답안은 모델에세이에서 키워드만 변경한 상태이기 때문에 주제에 맞지 않는 부분들이 많습니다. '어린아이들의 흥미를 유발하기 위해' 비디오게임을 하도록 하는 것에 대해 설명할 수 있을만한 내용들을 더 보완해주세요. 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음)
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