▶ Your Answer :
Some
people might think that large family is not as important now as before. Because
many people leave their hometowns to getting a job and have fewer chances to
interact with large family members such as grandparents and cousins. However,
in my opinion, extended family is still very important. This is because in the form of extended family people shares their housework and children can learn how to live with other people.
To
begin with, since there are many people who can keep house, extended family feel less pressure is
less pressured to do housework. Most parents have jobs these days so they
cannot spend enough time on to household chores. Thus, they need someone who helps
their housework and large family members especially grandparents can help it. For
example, when I was an elementary school student, my mother worked and she had no time
to take care of me. At that time, my grandmother took care of me and she also did
housework such as cleaning, doing laundry, and cooking. Thanks to grandmother,
my mother could can feel fewer burdens about house chores and spend her time more
effectively.
On
top of that, children learn about how to live in harmony with other people by
living with large family. Growing up in big family children can learn to share
and compromise. This is because Because, extended family have more members than nuclear family. 사람이 많은 것과 앞에서 설명한 배움이 무슨 관련이 있는지 더 구체적으로 내용을 설명해주면 좋을 것 같아요. For instance, a 2004 study of more than 20,000 kindergarteners in America found
that teachers rated students who had have at least one sibling as those having an edge in
social skill. Compromise and cooperation are just some of the positive results
kids can get benefit from when having multiple siblings. These abilities help children to
build more positive relationship with one another. 형제자매가 많은 것과 '대가족' 형태는 개념이 다릅니다. 사례 내용을 대가족 주제에 맞게 다듬어주세요.
To
sum up, large family has more members who can do doing housework and children can
build good relationship with friends. In this regard, I agree with the
statement that extended family has have more merit than before.
Comment : 가사 부담이 적고 사회성을 기를 수 있다는 장점을 잘 생각해주셨습니다. 이내용들을 '오늘날'과 연결지어서 오늘날에도 여전히 대가족이 중요하다는 점을 강조할 수 있으면 더욱 좋을 것 같아요. 내용 설명 과정에서 주제와 동떨어진 요소들이나 설명이 부족한 부분들 위주로 수정&보완해주시면 좋을 것 같습니다. 오탈자나 문법오류도 꼼꼼히 봐주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - May demonstrate inconsistent facility in sentence formation and word choice that may result in lack of clarity and occasionally obscure meaning (문장의 구성 또는 어휘의 선택에서 내용의 명확성이 떨어지거나 의미 전달이 불분명한 부분들이 있음) - May display accurate but limited range of syntactic structures and vocabulary (답안의 내용은 주제에 부합하지만 제한된 문장구조나 어휘를 사용함) |