▶ Your Answer : There is a controversial issue regarding whether college or university should be available to all students. Two different views might exist hold in regard to this issue. After pondering upon two possible opinions from several aspects, I personally agree with the idea that all students should have an opportunity for higher education opportunity. There are two reasons to stand. First, students can take more specific education lectures, and second, all students must have the same education opportunity.
To being with, while many people consider that the students are not taking took specific lectures, I believe that studying in the university is rather specific in learning because university professors who are expert in their filed teach lectures in university. Also, students in the university can gain various experiences relative related to their major. My personal experience could be an example. When I applied to the university, I considered giving to give up applying the university. Because I thought think that the university could not help me get knowledge. But I entered the university. In spite of my worry, I learned a lot of knowledge about my major. Many lectures made make me a better more good student. This shows that higher education makes good students through though specific lectures.
On top of that, to strengthen my view point, all students should have the same education opportunity. This is because as while the university education helps students to increase their problem solving skills solution ability, people who took higher education have more successful life. According to a research done by New York University, 93 percent of the participants who were is a CEO have agreed that one of the causes of their success cause is graduating from the university. This shows that all students should go to the university to succeed and this chance should be given to give students.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that my standpoints of the two opinions are sufficiently convincing. The reasons are that all students should be go to a college or university. 이유가 아니라 입장이 정리되어 있습니다. 본론에서 언급한 '이유'를 결론에 정리해주세요. In this regard, l believe that higher educations should be available to all students.
Comment : 각 본론의 주장이 입장을 뒷받침하기에는 아직 논리가 부족하다는 점이 아쉽습니다. 성적에 상관없이 대학공부를 할 기회를 제공해야 하는 이유를 설명할 수 있어야 하는데, 현재 글에서는 단순히 대학에 가면 좋은 점만 설명하고 있기 때문에 주제에 명확한 답변을 하고 있다는 인상을 주기 어렵습니다. 기회의 평등 측면에서 내용을 제시한 본론2의 주장은 좋지만, 설명 내용에서 기회의 평등이 아니라 성공에 도움이 된다는 설명을 제시했기 때문에 논점이 맞지 않습니다. 주제에 맞는 답변이 될 수 있는 주장을 다시 생각해보시면 좋을 것 같아요. 두 가지 근거를 제시하기 어렵다면 한 가지 주장으로 본론을 만들어서 구체적으로 풀어내는 것도 괜찮은 전략입니다. 문법오류가 많아 내용 전달력이 떨어지는 부분들도 꼼꼼하게 보완해주세요~ 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 2.5/5 An essay at this level may reveal one or more of the following weaknesses :
- Limited development in response to the topic and task (문제의 요구사항에 정확한 답변을 하지 못한 경우) - Inadequate organization or connection of ideas (연결이나 구성이 부적절한 경우) - Inappropriate or insufficient exemplifications, explanations or details to support or illustrate generalizations in response to the task (설명이나 예시, 세부사항이 필자의 주장을 뒷받침하기에 부족하거나 부적절한 경우) - A noticeably inappropriate choice of words or word forms (부적절한 단어 또는 형태의 사용) - An accumulation of errors in sentence structure and/or usage (두드러지는 문장구조/사용 상의 오류) |