It is evident that in our society, an ability to deal with obstacles has tremendous importance in our lives. Some people think that personal abilities are significant for people to tackle obstacles rather than reflecting the past, while others do not believe this way. I however, believe that it is essential for people to understand the past to overcome challenges that is coming and will come to us. There are several reasons to support my argument. So, I will limit to the two the most relevant to the topic: the concept of improvement and preparation.
First of all, the most important reason for my thinking this way is that people can improve themselves by comprehending what they did in the past. This reminds me of the time when I was a second-year high-school student. At that time, I took a history midterm, and marked a wrong answer because I did not know how to mark the answer on the form of the answer sheet that was changed from that of the previous exam. It was my mistake because the school had announced that the answer sheet would be changed. After that time, I figured out how to mark answers on the answer sheet, and I did not make the same mistake again.
Another reason why I think this way is that if we study the past, we can better prepare our future. Commonly in our society, preparation is considered significant in particular, if it is related to safety. Approximately four years ago, Seosan city (Indicate a country too) where my parents lived was flooded due to a huge rain. Unfortunately, it swept the city. However, the government officials figured out the weak places of the rains in the city and prepared another natural disaster big rain by reinforcing the weak places. If they had not prepared the rain based on the past experience, Seosan city would have been flooded again and again whenever it rains a lot.
In conclusion, I believe that understanding the past is one of the most important activities that we have to do in order to successfully deal with the obstacles now and in the future for reasons such as improvement and preparation. All things considered, with the reasons mentioned above, I believe that I have sufficiently and adequately explained my position on the matters regarding the topic.
첨삭해주시는 선생님들 항상 감사합니다. 덕분에 많이 배우고 있습니다.
질문이 있습니다.
'In conclusion'으로 시작하는 마지막 문장 template을 이대로 사용해도 괜찮을까요?
-네 그렇습니다.
In conclusion, I believe that (my opinion) for reaons such as (reason A) and (reason B) 이렇게 사용하고 있습니다.
여기서, (reason A)와 (reason B)는 서론의 마지막 문장 the concept of (reason A) and (reason B)를 반복하는 형태로 사용하고 있고요.
보셨을 때, 혹시 수정해야할 부분은 없는지... 고견 부탁드리겠습니다.
(그리고 the reason인지 그냥 reasons 인지 헷갈립니다.
알려주시면 감사하겠습니다. )
꾸벅.
-두 가지 다 사용하실 수 있으며, 자신의 thesis를 재 서술해주시는 내용으로
서술해주시는 것이 좋습니다.
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채점기준표 | Grammar | Contents | Example | Coherence |
점수 | 3 | 3 | 2 | 2 |
Score | Fair 15-18 | - 토픽에 서술되지 않은 문장인 personal abilities를 인트로 영역에 제시하시는 것은 자칫 off topic이 될 수 있어요. Body에서만 자신의 thesis를 드러낼 수 있도록 하며, 토픽에 대한 이해를 충분히 해주신 후, 자신의 논지로 무장하여 접근해주셔야 합니다. - 첫 번째 mark 내용에 대한 weak point로 정정이 필요해보입니다.
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