▶ Your Answer : Some people might say that they like to do schoolwork or jobs only that are easy. However, in my opinion, it is better for me to challenge difficult tasks. There are two reasons. First, I can learn many valuable things. Second, I can set a good example for others and give good advice to them.
To begin with, people are able to get a wide array of knowledge when they try challenging schoolwork or jobs. Sometimes, in the process progress of trying, they might fail and feel depressed. But these failures can make them stronger to try over and over again. Success is always based on the failures. For example, there was a survey conducted by a group of education majors, with 200 workers as respondents. The purpose of the survey was to understand their thoughts about applying themselves to challenging jobs. The majority of respondents replied that though it was hard times for them, they learned priceless things that are priceless like teamwork or patience. An overwhelming 60% responded that they would make the same choice if they went back to the moment they decided to challenge. This survey proves that doing challenging work is not a waste of time.
On top of that, I can set an excellent example for the people around me like my friends or little sisters through challenging tasks. Also, I can give them better advice which might help them a lot. I will talk about my experience as an example to elucidate my point. A few years ago, when I needed to decide decided on my major, I chose the challenging one, chemistry. I did not want to go through the easy way. I wanted to test myself and to see the best of me. But after I took some classes, it was very hard for me to understand the basics of the mechanism. But after I understood all of the principles, I could teach other students who were struggling to understand the class. When I heard their worries about studying, it seemed like I saw see myself in the past. So I could give them valuable advice. As a result, I found out that my teaching ability has improved. 다른 사람을 위해서 challenging한 것에 도전한다는 설명은 좀 어색한 것 같아요. 사례 내용은 내가 어려운 것을 극복하고 나서 다른 사람들의 어려움을 이해하고 도움을 줄 수 있었던 사례이지만, 쉬운 일을 한다고 해서 가치있는 조언을 주지 못하는 것은 아니기 때문에 요지가 모호하게 보일 수 있어요. 남들한테도 도움이 된다는 설명보다는 개인에게 있어서 쉬운 것만 하는 게 별로라거나 어려운 것에도 도전하는 게 좋은 이유를 제시해야 설득력이 높을 것 같아요.
To sum up, when people are given difficult tasks, they can not only learn so many things but also set a good example for others. In this regard, I think It is benefical beneficial to do schoolworks or jobs that are challenging.
Comment :
어려운 일에도 도전하는 게 좋다는 입장이 일관성있게 유지되고 각 본론에서 구체적인 설명을 제시하면서 내용을 풀어낸 부분들이 좋았어요. 다만 '많은 것을 배울 수 있다'라거나 '좋은 본보기다 될 수 있으니까'라는 식의 주장은 너무 범위가 포괄적이기 때문에 글의 명확성이 떨어진다는 아쉬움이 있어요. 더 세부적으로 '문제해결능력을 기를 수 있어서 좋다'라거나 '다른 사람들에게도 실용적인 조언을 해줄 수 있다'하는 식으로 주장을 더 발전시켜보시는 것도 좋을 것 같습니다. 수고 많으셨습니다~!
Independent Writing Rubrics Score 3.5/5 An essay at this level is marked by one or more of the following : - Addresses the topic and task using somewhat developed explanations, exemplifications and/or details (일정 수준의 설명과 예시를 활용하여 문제의 요구사항을 해결함) - Displays unity, progression and coherence, though connection of ideas may be occasionally obscured (문맥이 모호한 부분들이 있을 수 있으나 통일성, 연속성, 일관성이 어느 정도 드러남) - Displays facility in the use of language, demonstrating syntactic variety and range of vocabulary, though it will probably have occasional noticeable minor errors in structure, word form or use of idiomatic language that do not interfere with meaning (글의 의미를 손상시키지 않는 범위 내에서 사소한 문장구조, 단어 형태 오류를 보일 수 있으나, 전반적으로 어휘・통사적 다양성을 갖춘 유창한 언어 사용을 보임) |