▶ Your Answer : Some people might say that in the past people were more polite than today’s people, while other think oppositely. Both sides may have their own reasons to support their views. If I were required to answer it, I would say that it is safe to say that modern people have become rude to some extent for the following two reasons. To begin with, interacting with others can help people develop a good traits such as politeness and kindness. However, as society is becoming has become rapidly specialized and competitive, job markets require job candidates with highly improved skills. Therefore, modern people could not spend their time getting along with friends since they have to spend most of their time developing their expertise. For example, according to a study conducted by Yonsei University in 2001, two groups showed a huge difference in their sociability. The one group consisted of those who spent the whole day for their personal acknowledge, and the other group was made of those who spent more than two hours a week meeting with close friends. The researchers found that the former group was more likely have a various friends, while the latter group had a bit narrow human relationship. On top of that, today’s people lack amount of exercise ,in most part, due to the advance of transportation. When people do moderate exercise, it can help people recharge and refresh. When people are recharge, they tend to be polite to others.For example, When I was in high school, I often felt depressed, because I spent the whole day studying all academic subjects without playing any sports, even I went to school by school bus. Fortunately, I was able to deal with such depression by jogging at a nearby park. Though working out, I could recharge my battery and be optimistic. Without exercise, I would have been suffering mentally. In a nutshell, I strongly believe that modern society can make people less kind. today’s people can not develop good characteristics easily because they could not, or do not spend their time interacting with others and Fair: 17~23 점수: 21 주제를 벗어난 거 같습니다. 이 에세이의 주제는 전반적으로 사람들이 과거 보다 착해졌냐 아니냐 에 대한 에세이인데. 지금 에세이를 보면 사람들이 예전보다 착해졌는지 아닌지에 대한 설명 보다는 전혀 다른 곳에 초점을 맞춰져서 에세이가 서술된 거 같습니다. 독립형 에세이에서는 주제를 따라 가는 것이 젤 중요합니다. 이런 것이 미스 되어버리면 에세이 전체가 흔들리게 됩니다. 따라서 주제를 잘 살펴서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셧습니다. |