▶ Your Answer : There might be some people who think that it is effective to do a project with others who think differently and do things in a different way. However, I personally believe that it is not effective to work with people thinking differenlty and doing things in a different way for the following two subsequent reasons who think differently for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, working with people who think and work differently is really stressful. To be specific, workers are under the pressure of their boss. This is because the boss Boss (설명 부분에 있어서는 this is because는 적절치 않는 표현입니다) sometimes requires them to do what they do not want and think unpleasantly. Not only that, students often have to join a study group in their schools (갑자기 개연성 없이 학생들에 대하여서 나오는 거 같습니다 개연성에 맞춰서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다). This is stressful, because they all have different thoughts so they cannot do anything. To bring up my personal story as an example. When For example, when (앞 문장은 너무 구어체 입니다) I worked for an electronic company called LG, I was happy because I hoped that I could work at a high-paying company related to my major. However, I often used to argue with co-workers because I thought they were wrong. Thus, I lost my interests and motivation in my work and they also did. Finally, I quit my job after one of them gave up the project. (예시가 주제와 맞지 않는 거 같습니다)
Second, doing project with others thinking differently is less helpful for people to have a good relationship. This is because people tend to like ones similar to them People prefer to work with those who have similar thinking. Furthermore, if team members have their thoughts in common, they could feel familiar with one another so they could do the project best. For example, I met Tom for the first time when I took a major class and did the assignment with my study group. At first, I was worried because his appearance was almost like a lion but as time went by, we became closer and closer because we had the same ideas about the assignment. Eventually, we got the first prize and now he is my best friend. He sometimes says that if we had have different thoughts about the project, we could not have been a friend but also could not have gotten the good result. become friend
To sum up, working with others who think differently and do in different way is too stressful and not helpful to keep a good relationship with each other. In this regard, I strongly believe that doing project with people thinking and doing differently is not effective.
점수: 23 일단 지금 이 에세이는 각 단락들이 문제가 있는ㅇ 에세이입니다. 첫 번째 단락 같은 경우는 예시가 주제와 전혀 맞지 않는 거 같습니다. 주제와 맞지 않는 것 뿐만 아니라 이유를 서포트 하지 못하고 있습니다. 두 번째 단락 같은 경우는 어색한 표현과 문법적 오류들이 있습니다. 이러한 부분들을 주의하면서 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |