▶ Your Answer : With the development of the modern technology, there might be some people who think that remaining their personal lives is better than sharing this their information on social networking sites. However, I personally believe that keeping personal information on SNS is more beneficial for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, keeping a public record of personal life can relieve stress. To be specific, people these days are under the competitiveness of the modern society and get stressed seriously. This means they need a way to relieve stress and refresh themselves. However, sharing personal lives on the social sites can make people's lives special and help people feel better and get motivated from other's daily lives. According to a recent research conducted by Korea University, 76% of the respondents said that they feel better after using Facebook, one of the social networking sites. Also, one of the researchers added that when students are stressed out, they tend to be happy while sharing their bad experience with their online friends. Not only that, it helps workers to relax by sharing the stressful situation in their workplace on their profiles on the web. This clearly shows that sharing personal information on social networking sites is a good way to relax for modern people.
Second, opening their personal lives on the sites is beneficial to broaden (뒤에 절과 맞춰서 써주세요) and strengthen their social network. This is because social networking sites enables people to share information with others living in other cities or countries whenever. Moreover, when people want to contact with their old friends who live far away, they can keep in touch with their friends by using social networking sites like Twitter. Thus, it can help people to have a good relation with any others. To bring up my personal story as an example, when I was in middle school, I had many friends but, after the graduation, I lost most of them. However, recently, Tom, one of my best friends contacted me by Twitter. At first, I was so surprised but I started to contact with my old friends through the web. Now, I often share my daily life with them by using Twitter. If it were not for Twitter, I could have not have a good relation with my old friends.
To sum up, SNS helps to relieve stress and have a good relationship with others. In this regarad, sharing the personal information on social networking sites is beneficial.
예상 점수: 27-30 총평: 내용, 구조, 문법 모두 문제없게 잘 서술해주셨습니다. 문장에서 복수에는 복수로, 단수에는 단수로, 동사에는 동사로 맞추어서 써주셔야만 한다는 것만 잊지마세요. 수고 많으셨습니다. |