▶ Your Answer :
This is an intriguing question because concerning opinion this issue can be relying on individual perspectives. In my opinion, however, I support that, the car have not made a impact on our society than airplane for the following reasons. First of all, the airplane makes world-trade upgrade. To be specific, the airplane is faster than the car which as a result, increase amount of world-trade. Today’s world is becoming increasingly globalized and faster than past. Therefore, people can move and trade their things easy and quickly. This fact is effect of invention of airplane. According to Economics magazine which is popular around world, after airplane invention, the world-trade percentage increases more and more every years. The more increase the world trade, the more get our profits. Thus, the airplane is more impact on society than the car. Secondly, the airplane influenced than the car on our community in efficiency side. To be specific, the airplane creates opportunities which as a result allow people to saving the time, productive life, and expand less energy. Modern society is necessaries to utilize their time. people can do this by utilizing their technological tools and government infrastructure. For example, Bill gates, who is founder of the Microsoft, made accomplishment in his lifetime. I read online that he was successful because he was good at scheduling. His method of saving the time is taking his own flight. According to the Bill gates, he thought that the time is most valuable than anything in the world. So that, he usually took a flight for saving the time. Therefore, airplane have effect on our life than car for saving our time. In conclusion, I firmly believe that the airplane more influenced our community than the car. This issue have been effectively and precisely delivered with the reasons mentioned above. I hope this topic may have some impact our daily life.
점수: 25 내용면에 있어서는 구체적으로 잘 서술하였습니다. 알맞은 예시나 이유를 통하여서 왜 비행기가 차보다 더 사람에게 영향을 주는 지를 잘 보여주는 거 같습니다. 하지만 지금 이 에세이가 가지고 있는 가장 큰 오점은 인트로 부분입니다. 인트로의 시작을 this로 시작했는데 이것은 주제가 모호한 것을 바로 보여주기 때문에 시작 부터 구체적으로 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |