- Buildadditional parks
- Constructmore libraries
- Improvepublic transportation
Usespecific details and examples in your answer. Do not use memorized examples.
Answer:
Many officialsworking for our town are continuously finding a way to improve our city. I amof the opinion that improving public transportation can be highly suitable forthat goal. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in thefollowing essay.
Firstof all, enhanced public transportation can make people’s lives convenient.A lot of citizens commute to their workplaces using mass transportation andmany students also go to school every day by bus and a subway. Thus, ifpublic transportation is developed, most people’s daily lives become moreefficient. My town is a compelling example of what I mean. Our city built anew subway line and a myriad of stations a few years ago. This is because manycitizens, especially those who commuted to far workplaces every day proposed thisidea on the Internet. City officials deeply considered this proposal and made aplan for constructing a new subway line that could connect various spots of ourcity. After finishing the construction, most people have given compliments tothis change due to their efficient and convenient lives.
On topof that, developed mass transportation can boost the economy of our town.To explain, if many citizens can go out far distance for shopping or enjoyingthe cultural lives, many shopping centers, stores, movie theaters or galleries candraw more customers. Thus, it can grow up the economy as a whole. Inaddition, travelers who visit our city can go to a variety of places usingpublic transportation. For example, one of the cities in our country has becomeaffluent for several recent years. The most crucial reason was that the mayorof the city ardently planned the development of public transportation for raisinglocal markets that were widely scattered. Thanks to the plan and following constructionfor new bus lines and bus stops, many local restaurants and stores could make agreat profit based on the increment of visitors, resulting in economic growthof our town.
To sumup, improving mass transportation can make citizens’ lives more easy and efficient.Moreover, it can lead to local economic growth. In this regard, I believe that developingtransportation is of great significance to enhance our town.
띄어쓰기 꼭 해야합니다. 너무 안 되어 있으니 읽기가 힘듭니다.
마지막 conclusion에서 주장 정리 하는 거 paraphrase가 제대로 되지 않은 것 같아요. 위에 나온 어휘도 그대로 적었습니다.
그리고 두 문장으로 띄어서 주장 설명했는데 약간 어색해보입니다. 한 문장으로 적어보면 좋을 것 같아요
어휘가 너무 기본적인 것도 있습니다. 앞에 나왔다 싶으면 다른 단어로 적으려고 해야 합니다.
연결사도 조금 다양하게 적으면 좋을 것 같아요. (thus같이 한번 썼다싶으면 다시 쓰지 마세요 )