▶ Your Answer :
Some people think that students with tidy
room are more successful than students with messy rooms. They probably think
that student with tidy rooms are control the situation better than student with messy rooms do.
However, in my opinion, students with messy rooms have more creativity and concentration.
This is because student with messy rooms think differently and focus on their
assignment.
To begin with, messy rooms provide make students
to think differently. When student think differently, they can improve their
creativity. Students who has have creativity can make success on their assignment. For
example, my friend Edward, who is a painter, has a messy room. He has no rules to
make up room. He thinks creativity way creatively and draws creativity creative pictures. By his creativity
creative drawings, he took the many drawing awards and became a famous artist.
On top of that, messy rooms make students to
focus on the assignment. When students focus on their assignment, student can
get a good score. Students who has have messy rooms can get good points at the
school. For instance, my cousin does not care about make making up the room. She only
thinks about her assignment and does not care whether the room is keep kept tidy. She focuses
on her graduation project. By focusing on the project, she got the a great score
at the end of school.
In brief, students with messy rooms have creativity
and concentrate on their study. In this regard, I think that students with messy
rooms can be more successful than students with tidy ones.
예상점수: 17-21 총평: 동사를 꾸며주실때는 부사를 사용하셔야 합니다. 우선 내용적으로 봤을 때 크게 문제가 없습니다. 다만 두번째 이유는 조금 더 부연 설명을 해주셔서 집중력과 연관을 시켜주시는게 좋을 것 같습니다. 문법적으로는 다수일때는 their 그리고 동사를 꾸며줄때는 부사를 사용해주시는 것과 idiom에만 유의하시면 될것 같아요. 수고 많으셨습니다.
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