Some people believe that the clothes are a good indicator of people's personality since choosing a cloth is decided with a people's preference or tendency, while other people think differently. If I were asked to choose, I would say that the clothes don't do not (독립형 에세이에서는 줄인말을 서술하면 안됩니다) indicate the people's personality more than like what usual people think for the following two subsequent reasons.
First of all, some people can get clothes which they like without any difficulty, but that is not samely applied to other people.
To be specific, even though people want to wear the clothes matched with their preference, they are not always able to get the clothes.
Because some people don't have enough money to buy the clothes or not allowed by their supervisor or parents.
So, the clothes don't indicate people's personality since many of them can't get a desirable close to them, although they want to buy.
For instance, according to an investigation by Tokyo University, a lot of people can't wear the clothes they like.
University asked more than 200 hundred applicants whether they are wearing a garment they want.
However, surprisingly, most of them said "no" because a lot of applicants were not affordable to purchase the desirable clothes for them and even some people were not allowed to wear by their parents.
What I mean by this is that since some conditions are constraining people to wear the attires they like, we can't clearly say that the clothes reflect a people's personality.
On top of that, there is not only people who consider their outward appearance, even some people don't care about the clothes.
The purpose of wearing cloth can be divided into many numbers by people.
Since some people consider the clothes as the tool not to show their body or to last their regular body temperature.
Thus, it is quite equivocal that the clothes that a person wear are the good indicator of his or her personality.
For example, when I was a 14, such several weird kids were in the same class with me.
And one of which didn't care what he looks like, he always thought the clothes as a protecting him from a harsh weather.
What I want to say with this is that since a lot of mind to the clothes exist, the clothes are not a complete indicator of people's personality.
To sum up, the wearing clothes they like is not easy because of a lot of difficulties.
Also, the clothes are not thought as a tool making people fancy by all people.
In this regard, I disagree with the statement that the clothes are an indicator of people's personality.
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일단 전체적으로 너무 장황하게 서술하였습니다. 장황하게 서술하다 보니 각 단락을 통해서 하고자 하는 말이 무엇인지 모르겠습니다. 지금 이 에세이에서 가장 부족한 부분은 모호한 설명입니다. 단락들이 중요한 이유는 주제에 대하여서 본인이 무엇을 생각하고 있는 것인지를 보는 것인데 지금 이 에세이 같은 경우는 설명이 모호하다 보니 왜 우리가 입는 옷이 우리르 대표하지 않는 지에 대한 설명이 구체적이지 않는 거 같습니다. 따라서 좀 더 구체적으로 에세이를 서술하시길 바랍니다. 수고많으셨습니다.