▶ Your Answer :
Some people might say that only one purpose of working is earning to earn money. However, I personally think that the meanings of having a job are various for each people. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. is various for each person for the following two subsequent reasons.
To begin with, people work for making to make their dreams come true. In the current society, most of people tend to find their job, which is related what they are interested in related to their interest. Therefore, for them, job is not just a way of obtaining to obtain money, but a way of making them live happy. My own experience is a compelling example. I have wanted to be a bood designer, since I was an elementary school student. After I graduated university, I got a job in a big children book company. Although I gain few payment compared my friends, I worked very happy because I could do what I wanted.
On top of that, people have a job to help others. In this world, lots of people who could not live without supports from others exist. Therefore, some people should help people in need as one way of working. People who work at Unicef are a good example. Their work is requiring donation from lots of people, and supporing children who are in poverty countries by using donated money. Their works are sometimes very hard, but they say that it is their pleasure.
To sum up, taking making their dreams come true and helping others into consideration, I strongly think that among the various reasons that make people work, those could be the main reasons.
점수: 27 내용면에 있어서 아주 간결하게 자신의 주장을 보여주는 독립형 에세이인거 같습니다. 이 에세이를 통하여서 왜 돈을 벌어야 하는 지를 잘 보여주는 거 같습니다. 각각의 이유와 예시들이 주제와 연관을 지어서 아주 잘 서술된거 같습니다. 따라서 지금 이 에세이는 내용 부분을 고치는 것보다는 몇몇 부분에서 나타나는 문법적 부분만 주의하시면 좋은 에세이가 될 거 같습니다. 수고많으셨습니다. |