▶ Your Answer :
It is debatable whether it is acceptable for the government to
neglect environmental concerns to promote economic growth. However, in my
opinion, the thing that the government has to consider is its environment
because it is related to people’s health and nation’s economic growth directly.
To begin with, if the governments do not think of environmental
factors, it would threaten people’s health and life. Since air pollution, water
pollution and a lot of trash would could affect people badly, the government should
implement policy or campaign which can solve these problems. For example, air
pollution which is caused by fine dust has been the biggest problem in Korea
these days. Korea government and environmental institute of Korea had not
limited the CO2 emission of cars for many years. Because of this, many Korean
have been sick are sick and having trouble(과거에 조치를 취하지 않았기 때문에 지금 아프다는 거죠? 그렇다면 여기는 현재형입니다) going outsides for their pleasant time and Korea
government had to make policy and money to compensate for risks that resulted
in its economic decreasing. (여기서 사람들이 아픈게 how 경제에 영향을 미치는지 relationship조금 더 자세하게 말해주었다면 좋았을 것 같습니다)
On top of that, I think environmental elements are directly related
to its economic growth. If the governments consider the environment more than
before, economy would be better than before. (이거 주장은 너무 좋습니다. 하지만 예시인 스위스로 들어가기전 주장에 대한 뒷받침 설명이 조금은 부족했던 것 같습니다) To illustrate, Swiss is popular
with its beautiful environment and fresh condition. When I went to there a year
ago, I realized there are so many people who were almost tourists and some
strict policies which force people not to drive their cars in the special place
such as near the mountain or nature town. I think, like Swiss, the more the
government takes care of their environment, the more tourists would come to
there to travel spectacular nature.
To sum up, I think the governments have to think of their environment
seriously because it can threaten people’s health and it is important thing for
economic success. In this regard, I strongly agree with the statement that it
is perceivable for government must consider its environmental factors as well
as economic growth.
시제 오류가 많이 보입니다. 시제가 작게 보여도, 읽다보면 조그만 시제 오류 하나로 이해가 힘든 문장들도 보이니 주의해서 작성해주세요. 제가 paragraph중간중간에 쓴 comment 꼭 주의해주세요 그리고 문장과는 잘 맞지 않는 어휘 쓰신 부분이 꽤 있는데, 문장 문맥에 맞는 어휘 사용하는게 가장 중요하니, 어휘 공부할 때, 어휘와 함께 영작 연습도 해보시는거 추천합니다
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