▶ Your Answer : Words alone cannot express the importance of development of country. I strongly believe that creating more jobs for unemployed workers is the most importance thing for a country leader to assure the prosperity of country. There are two reasons that underscore the validity of this statement. Firstly, creating more jobs means that the country devise some new industrial market. It is impossible (너무 strong한 단어입니다) to develop the country without the new industrial market. This is because the new industrial market can make lots of opportunity for unemployed workers and new market will be the industrial base of the nation in the future. It can also be the foundation of further development for next generation. For example, by entering 21th century, Bioscience have been anticipated that it can be major industrial leader. Nowadays, AI is also hot boom. Few years ago, the India invested lots of funds to raise the researcher of these field and encouraged venture corporation. Due Thanks to these effort to develop the country, many job opportunities opened and now they have leading technologies of these new industrial field in the world. Second, I disagree with the statement that increasing agriculture and lowering the food price can help to get prosperity of country. Increasing agriculture and lowering food price can help people in the nation to get nutritious food for reasonable price. But to develop the country, economic activation is essential point. It means that people should have lots of money. According to the statistics, workers related to agriculture can not earn lots of money. And (and나 but으로 문장 시작하는거 지양해야합니다) effect of the lowering price of food may be not that big. This is because people usually think that main consumption of their budget is not the food price but electric device and insurance fee something else. So I think the government have to suggest the other option than this developing agriculture.
우선 시제에 굉장히 약한 것 같습니다. 시제 오류가 많이 보이는데, 이거 다양한 시제로 문장 만들기 연습 최대한 많이 하는 거 중요합니다. 단어 하나 바꿔서 문장 자체의 뜻이 달라지는 경우가 많습니다. due to->thanks to 와 같이 모든 어휘쓰기전에 이게 문장이랑 잘 어울릴지 많이 생각해보세요 |