Growing up, I was the girl everyone told “Speak up!” I was gripping the ends
of my mother’s skirts, refusing to show my face, and getting flustered by even
the smallest remarks from strangers. I was, and still am, an introvert to the core,
preferring to spend my time alone reading books or playing video games.
I was never bothered by the fact that I was not part of the ‘popular crowd’,
enjoying the comfort of my best friend Eugene. I met her in the neighborhood
playground when she found me playing by myself in the sandpit and took me
under her wing. She lived in the apartment next door, meaning there were
frequent sleepovers and playdates. I did not see a reason to make other friends,
because I had Eugene. If you asked kindergarten me if having lost of diverse
friends or having a few close friends was better, she would have argued that
having a few close friends is infinitely better, reveling in the inside jokes and
sleepovers that my best friend and I would share.
However, my experiences in elementary and middle school changed me. I had
to transfer schools often because my family was constantly moving. I was suddenly
thrown into new environments and the old tactic of ‘waiting until someone talked to
me’ was not effective in making friends. So, I changed. I put on a brave face
and I was talking to everyone, talking about whatever common interests we had.
I soon found out there was a whole other world out there, and you could find
a friend anywhere. It was easy in school because we were forced to be in
a classroom for eight hours with each other. I was in a big group of friends,
and I loved the rowdy arguments that we would have, the different faces each
teaching me a different valuable lesson. I loved having diverse friends with
whom I shared different interests. I would go to Ji Hyun to obsess over
the newest episode of our favorite show and complain with Min about how
strict our teacher was. Teen me would say she loved having diverse friends,
loving the excitement of meeting someone new.
Then, I went to university. I was fortunate enough to be accepted into
a school that made my parents proud. The only problem was it was in another
city, three hours from my hometown. That meant that I could not see
my big group of friends often, and without it, we drifted apart. I had
a few friends left. I discovered that in making many friends, I had lost
the intimacy I shared with small groups. As for making new friends,
university was the first place where no one was forced to see each other daily.
We all had different schedules, and meeting people was a fleeting opportunity.
I tried being in a big crowd like I did in middle school and high school,
but I missed the intimacy that came with a small group of friends.
I opted to cultivate my relationship with the friend I made in my biology lab.
I am now best friends with her, and I feel comfortable telling her everything.
If we turn back to the question of whether having a large group of friends
or having a tight-knit group of friends is better, I now say the latter.
I love how having lots of friends can give you diverse perspectives, but I
prefer the intimacy I share with a small group. Although my answer to
this question has changed over the years and will probably change as I
mature, I have learned to embrace the different answers as the stages in my life.