※ 아래 스크립트는 발표자의 발표내용을 그대로 표기하였으므로 구어체 표현이 포함되어있고,
Stress is something that people living in today’s world constantly must face. It is impossible not to confront it- everyone, regardless of their social or financial situation, has some sort of internal demon that troubles them. The reason is because we are susceptible to stress from so many different causes now. We could get stress from our job, as the American Institute of Stress reports that 120,000 people in the US die every year directly because of stress. We could also receive stress from financial reasons, when we are not able to provide for our daily meals or purchase our desires, like your dream car that you always wanted to have since your childhood. However, I believe that the biggest source of stress possible is the psychological damage from a personal loss of a loved one- when you lose someone that you didn’t realize was a central pillar of your life.
That happened to me in my first year of university. He and I were in the same soccer team, and we were like two peas in a pod- not only did we click in the football field, but we both realized that we were similar in our likes and dislikes. We hung out often, dancing through the nights of Sinchon singing our university’s anthem or going on a movie marathon for 24 hours in his house. One day, he came to me, all solemn and depressed, and told me that he was going to the army. I naturally laughed at him and watched him shave his carefully managed hairstyle into that of a shiny, bald head. Yet I was not prepared for what would happen next.
I got a call, a few months after he got enlisted, saying that he would be getting discharged from the military. My initial thought was envy, but it quickly turned into concern since only serious personal reasons could get a Korean man discharged from the military early. I heard he was in a hospital, and looking at the address, I realized it was a Cancer Center.
Devastated, I raced down the cold, snowing street to his hospital. He was frail as a chopstick, and his muscular legs that he boasted while playing football were nowhere to be found. He would not tell me what disease he had, but I could feel its severity just by looking at him. That was the last time I saw him- he would pass away a few days later.
There are many ways on the Internet on coping with the stress, with the devastating feeling of loneliness and emptiness, from losing a loved one. You can try finding solace from other people or create something else that you can get immersed into so that you will not think about the pain. I tried them all. I tried spending time with my family members, but I found myself observing their faces and trying to engrave them in my mind in case something bad would happen. I tried creating a hectic schedule for myself, tackling on several difficult licenses while taking on strenuous university courses. Yet none of them could erase this lingering sadness, and I would always come back to that night, that dark night where I saw him in those chalk white hospital clothes, barely holding on to his IV.
In the end, how I managed to overcome this was when I disclosed my personal demons to my mother. It was different from trying to cope with it alone. She then told me the story of how she coped with a loss of her own- when she also lost a college friend by a car accident in her early 20’s. She told me that the pain, the stress, the disappointment- it won’t ever go away. But the key was to realize it’s fine not to be ok. You must understand that nature has a reason for everything and allow stress to change you. It may be difficult; it may eat out a previous joy that you had for the world or change your values in life. But what is important is to have the hope that everything is going to be fine. For me, I realized afterwards that nothing in life is as important as the feelings you get from being with your loved ones, and that belief helps me manage all the other types of stress that I feel every day, every week. There’s still a bit of emptiness inside me, and I doubt that it’ll ever be completely filled, but it now helps me live my life more vividly. While I hope that none of you have to go through what I did, I know that one day you’ll be faced with something that’s unsolvable- something that’s not possible to solve through your actions or run away from. I just hope that you understand that time will help ease the wounds, and while there’ll be scars, they will heal. It’s ok not to be ok.
Thank you.